Sobering cover story in TIME magazine today: "The debate is over. Global warming is upon us -- with a vengeance. The climate is crashing." No kidding, eh? Today in our little village in northern Canada the spring melt is a month early; same as it has been the last few years. It's pissing rain and forecast to continue for a week.
Which makes me glad I got out of trucking. Making greenhouse gas for a living started to prick my conscience. Last spring I read a book called "The Hype about Hydrogen." It's written by an energy official in the former Clinton administration and there's a well-researched chapter on climate change. I did some more reading on the net and became aware of the reality of the problem. Shaken and stirred, yours truly hosehead drew up a resignation letter for his trucking company but was too chicken to hand it in. Decided to look for another job first. Not surprisingly, as I continued sitting in a tractor pumping out smog all day it started to have what an HR geek might call 'negative job performance repercussions.' Started to lose patience with traffic, customers, the company. Soon got on the owner's shitlist.
The final catalyst was quitting drinking. Immediately the practice of delivering tons of booze into the LCBO every week, feeding firewater to one of the (officially) biggest drinking towns in the province, became a painful experience. I prayed to GOD for help to get out.
A couple days later I was hand-bombing pet food into an upscale poodle palace. The manager of the store decided I wasn't moving fast enough. When I refused to speed up he complained to the company. They called me on the carpet and that was the last straw. It gave me the courage to bail out before they fired me! Handed in a resignation letter the same day.
I got the idea of finding work in commercial film production again. Of itself making films is not a sin. But for me to become a commercial artist is a sin because in 1997 I made a solemn dedication of all artistic pursuits to GOD. That means projects must be motivated for charitable, benovelent purposes only (whether I get paid or not). For an artist this is very liberating and I've been given to do some good work.
The spirit is willing, the flesh is weak. For nine years I went back and forth with that vow, sometimes keeping it, sometimes whoring art for money. Whenever I zoned in on the money, faith would shrivel like a prune and I'd feel like crap (no pun intended). Repentance would follow for a year or three. Then temptation would raise it's sickly-sweet song and I'd do it all over again. Jesus Christ was right on when he said: "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both GOD and Money." (Matthew 6.24).
Knock on wood, I hope that ugly cycle is over. This last NFB stunt was an eye-opener. I don't normally smash furniture when a job application is rejected. Shows how FUBAR the whole pursuit was -- messing with my head, soul and not least the two young boys who watched their dad raging in stupidity because his evil choice wasn't blessed.
During the NFB debacle I was working on another commercial film project, this one about the crisis in the forest industry. Not a bad idea in itself. But two weeks ago I was cutting it together and could no longer avoid the voice of conscience, the guilt that says: "This is wrong for you!" And so, repentance again. I feel chastened. It feels good that GOD still cares enough, these many years later, to turn me from a wrong path. He could have just let me go in that stupidity, feeling like crap, boozing in despair as a 'successful' commercial artist. Instead I feel like Sally Field at the Oscars, holding a statue with 'repentance' engraved on it and singing to GOD: "You, like me! You really like me!!" Because He cares enough to steer me from a bad choice, my gut knows He's gonna steer me in the good path too. The Bible tells me so.
I've got a FT job at a call centre starting April 10. Tech support and customer support. Less pay but more brain than brawn -- and no greenhouse gas emissions.
Which makes me glad I got out of trucking. Making greenhouse gas for a living started to prick my conscience. Last spring I read a book called "The Hype about Hydrogen." It's written by an energy official in the former Clinton administration and there's a well-researched chapter on climate change. I did some more reading on the net and became aware of the reality of the problem. Shaken and stirred, yours truly hosehead drew up a resignation letter for his trucking company but was too chicken to hand it in. Decided to look for another job first. Not surprisingly, as I continued sitting in a tractor pumping out smog all day it started to have what an HR geek might call 'negative job performance repercussions.' Started to lose patience with traffic, customers, the company. Soon got on the owner's shitlist.
The final catalyst was quitting drinking. Immediately the practice of delivering tons of booze into the LCBO every week, feeding firewater to one of the (officially) biggest drinking towns in the province, became a painful experience. I prayed to GOD for help to get out.
A couple days later I was hand-bombing pet food into an upscale poodle palace. The manager of the store decided I wasn't moving fast enough. When I refused to speed up he complained to the company. They called me on the carpet and that was the last straw. It gave me the courage to bail out before they fired me! Handed in a resignation letter the same day.
I got the idea of finding work in commercial film production again. Of itself making films is not a sin. But for me to become a commercial artist is a sin because in 1997 I made a solemn dedication of all artistic pursuits to GOD. That means projects must be motivated for charitable, benovelent purposes only (whether I get paid or not). For an artist this is very liberating and I've been given to do some good work.
The spirit is willing, the flesh is weak. For nine years I went back and forth with that vow, sometimes keeping it, sometimes whoring art for money. Whenever I zoned in on the money, faith would shrivel like a prune and I'd feel like crap (no pun intended). Repentance would follow for a year or three. Then temptation would raise it's sickly-sweet song and I'd do it all over again. Jesus Christ was right on when he said: "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both GOD and Money." (Matthew 6.24).
Knock on wood, I hope that ugly cycle is over. This last NFB stunt was an eye-opener. I don't normally smash furniture when a job application is rejected. Shows how FUBAR the whole pursuit was -- messing with my head, soul and not least the two young boys who watched their dad raging in stupidity because his evil choice wasn't blessed.
During the NFB debacle I was working on another commercial film project, this one about the crisis in the forest industry. Not a bad idea in itself. But two weeks ago I was cutting it together and could no longer avoid the voice of conscience, the guilt that says: "This is wrong for you!" And so, repentance again. I feel chastened. It feels good that GOD still cares enough, these many years later, to turn me from a wrong path. He could have just let me go in that stupidity, feeling like crap, boozing in despair as a 'successful' commercial artist. Instead I feel like Sally Field at the Oscars, holding a statue with 'repentance' engraved on it and singing to GOD: "You, like me! You really like me!!" Because He cares enough to steer me from a bad choice, my gut knows He's gonna steer me in the good path too. The Bible tells me so.
I've got a FT job at a call centre starting April 10. Tech support and customer support. Less pay but more brain than brawn -- and no greenhouse gas emissions.
posted by Christopher at 8:32 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home